Lessons learned from Kelly Cutrone’s new reality show, Kell on Earth.

Cast of Kell on Earth

1. Fashion is, like, the most important job in the world, it’s like war, as evidenced by the peace on earth and goodwill towards (gay) men and (skinny) women when a fashion show goes off without a hitch.

2. Kelly Cutrone’s one tough bitch with a heart of gold (e.g. trying to play fair godmother to her assistant by trying to set him up with one of her clients’ in-house models).

3. There’s a lot of talk of  the invites and seating arrangements, yet no one seems to know what’s going on. “That list” is equivalent in importance to the Dead Sea Scrolls.

4. If you’re in rows above three, you might as well go home and put your head in the oven, since you’re looked at as scum by rows one through three. (Kelly’s 7-year old daughter won’t even sit in the third row.)

5. You can get a pedicure while on a laptop without getting electrocuted.

6. Kelly’s never taken a brush to her hair or a lip gloss to her mouth.

7. The printing gods get a kick out of breaking down printers at the most critical moments–and hearing Kelly say “fuck” over and over.