I know Christmas isn’t here yet, but I’m already looking for a New Year’s Eve outfit that doesn’t scream cheesy (I’m the one who’s going to be screaming, come NYE). The problem with living in NYC is your tastes become so refined, so sophisticated, so New York that anything that’s not vintage, thrifted, one-of-a-kind or boutiquey in the manner of “this dress was handcrafted by village women in Romania or Lower East Side artists after having fasted for 72 hours” simply will not do. Luckily, the suburbs grant us reprieve by offering us the cultural suck that is THE MALL. Once I enter the clusterfuck of a parking lot, all pressure vanishes courtesy of the chain store!

Check out what I found for NYE at my local suburban mall.

This Wet Seal dress is reminiscent of Betsey Johnson (eh, kind of).  Hey, the material may not be that great, but who’s going to tell after three sickly sweet apple martinis?

Photo: wetseal.com

If these sequins aren’t enough, hey, why not top it off with MORE SEQUINS in the form of a sequined shrug from Arden B.? If the electricity at your NYE party goes out, everyone can just huddle around your outfit.

Photo: ardenb.com

For the crème de la crème, the pièce de résistance  and any other French phrases that may or may not fit here, check out what I found at POTTERY BARN, yes, Pottery Barn. I went there to buy a heart-warming “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament, which they did NOT have, because why would they have that? Duh. What they do have, apparently, are masquerade masks. Who knew? This would be fab at a NYE Masquerade Ball! (Even in NYC!)

Pottery Barn Mask

Imagine wearing this feather/pearl/crushed velvet lovely on NYE! You may love it so much you might pull it out at random times throughout the year.

Pottery Barn Mask